MyEmoHeart

Ever do something, knowing inherently that it’s wrong?

Yeah, well, I’ve been doing a lot of that lately! 

Like say, being bored, but going out with someone to fill the time AND because they will pay for things for you…

Money has not been a strong point of mine these last few months.

As well as not being able to get a job.

Or keep a job.

Or keep any money… because I’m bored… so what else am I supposed to do???!!!

It really has become a vicious, vicious, circle.

And I’m still bored.

And with a little less money everytime.

Especially since it seems my lying ways have just recently walked me into a lovely parking ticket!

That’s when I knew the universe was saying to me…

“Hey, lady! Listen up! You’re not valuing yourself or others! YOU are worth it! So stop using someone else to show you your worth and value… and hey, just to stick it to you, here’s a parking ticket…”

Needless to say, I didn’t react the way I should’ve after receiving this ticket.

But we needen’t get into that!

These last few months have been quite the rollercoaster, to say the least.

And, it has been said that you will repeat a lesson over and over again until it’s learned.

Lemme just tell ya, that is a fact!

Because it seems I am repeating things a lot and a lot more frequently.

Whether it is my money issues, the way I undervalue myself and put myself down, how I give too much of myself to others and too easily, how I am in love with the notion of love and put everything before that, how I eat or drink away my emotions, how I look at everything from a negative perspective rather than a positive…

It all comes back to how I see and value myself.

And, from what I have both heard and most recently learned, what you put out into the universe is what you shall receive. 

For instance, if you worry that you are going to become fat from having infrequent cookie binges… you probably will have more frequent cookie binges from worrying about getting fat from your infrequent cookie binges, thus leading to the impending doom of weight gain.

Kinda like, what you ask for, you shall receive!!!

Yeah, the universe is powerful like that!

So, for my future days, it’s all about learning lessons that I have been avoiding and facing things and/or people/feelings that I have been avoiding.

It’s about committing myself more to my practices of yoga and mediation and being okay with sitting with my powerful and not so scary emotions.

It’s about seeing myself for the wonderful person I am who makes A LOT of mistakes, but who always learns and grows from them… eventually!

It’s about instilling a more positive attitude and thought pattern, seeing that the world is a lovely place and not something to dread whenever I wake up.

And, as always my Love Rebel’s, it’s about love!!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas, baby, from MyEmoHeart xoxo

(Source: facebook.com)

Do me a favor, darling. Banish the word “impossible” from your vocabulary. 

It’s possible that “incurable” illness will miraculously disappear. 
It’s possible you’ll make a million dollars this year. 
It’s possible the love of your life will show up tomorrow. 
It’s possible you’ll find it within you to forgive that “unforgivable” person. 
It’s possible Oprah will call. 
It’s possible your big dream will come true. 

But that’s not all. 
It’s possible global warming can be reversed. 
It’s possible world hunger will end. 
It’s possible there will be no more war. 
It’s possible we will experience Earth-healing within our lifetime. 

But this can only happen if you do the “impossible” and tap into me. 

Full of possibility, 

Your Inner Pilot Light 

(Source: facebook.com)

Weight has always been a very weighty issue for me.

So as I chowed down on 4 consecutive chocolate chip muffins from the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, (the first one was good…), I knew I’d hit a new low.

I’ve always been an emotional over eater. 

Ever since I can remember.

I would come home from school when I was six or seven, after being taunted for one reason or another, and watch after school cartoons while consuming a whole bag of Oreo’s or Cheetos, or some other disgustingly rich, indulgent food.

Because that is how I felt about myself.

I was disgusted with myself.

Now kids don’t taunt me.

Instead, I taunt myself.

Constantly telling myself I’m not good enough.

I’m not skinny enough.

I don’t achieve enough.

Blah, blah, blah.

Recently, things have changed tremendously from what I am used to.

I am a creature of habit, so change is not so much my friend.

It is harder for me to workout because I can’t afford the gym, it’s cold out, and I lack motivation, (I also have been severely depressed.. yet again). 

I have started and ended several new jobs.

I have moved a lot within the last few months.

I decided to stop being a vegetarian.

I have started to eat more crap.

I have started to drink more wine.

My body is changing.

My relationships are all over the place.

I miss my family and friends from back home.

I miss home.

So many things!!!

I just want to feel comfort and stability.

And I am disgusted with my current behavior so much that I punish myself.

I torture myself.

I tell myself all those things those kids told me when I was so very young.

These things play over and over again in my mind, even if it seems I might have somehow overcome them.

And now I sit here lonely, depressed, feeling like vomiting from consuming so much, disgusted, scared, sad, confused, uneasy.

I don’t know what to do.

But I do know that I will be okay.

I can use this point as a learning curve; a point of growth.

Yes, I may have stuffed my face yesterday.

But I can eat better today.

And if I gain weight, I can always lose it.

I can always choose to eat healthier.

It is about being healthy, not about being the most skinny thing in the world.

It is about being happy with myself and the choices I make.

Comfort and security are huge things for me.

When I lack them, I become unbalanced and do crazy unbalanced things.

But it’s okay.

Because you can always make a different choice.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Love yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

Be gentle and listen to your body.

Listen to your heart.

Even if they tell you something that is contradictory to what you’ve been taught or what those closest to you say.

The heart always know the truth.

And when you don’t listen to your heart…

You tend to do crazy things.

So listen.

Love.

Love.

Always love!

Namaste,

From MyEmoHeart

(Source: facebook.com)

Total Solar Eclipse: Today is Last Unitl 2015

(Source: facebook.com)