MyEmoHeart

I used to see my ability to feel everything as a burden.

As a disability, if you will.

Okay, I still do most of the time.

But I am beginning to see why I am the way I am.

You can’t make yourself different than you are.

So, you have to learn to love yourself.

And that’s what yoga has been helping me to learn.

Everyone is a certain way for a reason.

And everyone is beautiful just the way they are.

We may have deep, ugly emotions that continue to disable us from seeing the beauty of reality.

But once we begin to embrace the good with bad, the highs with the lows, the pain with the happiness, a wonderful feeling of oneness and peace begins to come over you.

But just as soon as we realize this, we often fall back into that deep, dark hole of utter despair.

So, we must pick ourselves back up and try, try again.

If you know me, you know that I am a perfectionist.

And, that I am also used to getting my way.

Well, life has really turned everything upside down for me.

But the only constant is yoga.

The only thing that keeps me grounded and sane is making myself practice.

And I learn something new about myself every single time I choose to go within.

Dark emotions seem to plague me more often than not, disabling me from my truth and from seeing clearly.

I have always wanted to work in the entertainment industry, mostly as a performer, and have tried unsuccessfully for many years to get somewhere.

What I didn’t notice is how much stress everything surrounding that notion has given me.

So I decided to focus on Durga, the mother goddess, asking her to help me let go of things no longer serving me, to help me realize my power as a woman, to help me let go of addiction, and to see what is true within my heart.

Essentially I heard that I need to let go of ego. I need to be okay with what is. I need to enjoy and let go. I need to focus on yoga and everything else I want will come… to just be patient.

And this answer has come to me time and time again.

I’ve found it a struggle to be a true yogi because I am young. I still have  a lot to learn. I have an eating disorder that rears it’s nasty head every day in some way, I am addicted to many things and people, I like to drink and I don’t necessarily pay attention to how or what I eat, or say recycle anything. 

But it’s all about finding the balance.

It’s not about beating myself up, yet again for not being perfect.

What is perfect anyways?!

So as I try to balance my need to be creative with my calling as a yogi, I will try to let go and find that balance within and without. 

Even if it takes me my whole life to learn.

Surrendering the past from MyEmoHeart

My dear,

The only reason why you keep on “failing” is because…

You are failing to listen to your heart.

Listening to the divinity within, from MyEmoHeart

Let’s face it.
No one is perfect and it’s beyond tiring in every way trying to be.
I have lived my whole life abiding by the rules, hardly ever rebelling.
Yet, who says what others say is right?
Some people are fine with convention, but I never have been.
I’ve just never had the guts to go against the grain.
Being such a people pleaser, I’ve found it very difficult to see my passion as something attainable.
Yet, the greatest leaders, thinkers, etc. are those who could care less about what others think. They just follow their heart.
And they seem to be happier than most.
This is your life, not anyone else’s.
So live it doing what you feel in your heart!
Have the courage to say yes to your dreams.
Have the courage to believe in yourself.
Have the courage to break from convention.
Have the courage to break free!
Anything done passionately is more beautiful than anything done perfectly.

Always yours, from MyEmoHeart

Expectation has marred my life.

Feelings of guilt and shame when you don’t live up to yours or others’ expectations.

Feelings of disappointment when you or other people don’t live up to your expectations.

Unknowingly, even though I am a very forward thinking, modern woman, if you will, I have seemingly still bought into the notion that I need a someone to take care of me financially.

It is a very romantic idea.

I can very well take care of myself. But somehow, the older I get, the more this idea seems to pervade my mind. Along with the ideas that I should be married by twenty-five at the latest and have at least one kid by twenty-eight.

I have also felt significant pressure to be skinny, to have a career, to be something, but I keep on falling short and then feel like I am letting everyone down.

But I can’t seem to figure anything out.

The more I try to find myself, the less I seem to know.

I so love helping others, but fail to help myself. I place others above myself.

Finding our way through life, some of us are brave enough to break the mold, forging our own paths, some of us just do what we think we are supposed to do.

We repeat the dysfunctional patterns of those close to us and that of society.

It seems as though I keep on falling into expectation, into expected roles I think I should be playing.

Fear of being my unique self is keeping me from breaking the mold.

I used to be so sure of who I was and where I was going.

But maybe this is a good thing.

Maybe now is the chance to be my true self and stop being what I think I should be.

Now is the time to shed light on my true inner self.

Now is the time to be free and accept myself.

To not care anymore.

To let go of expectation and judgement.

To love.


Unfinished thoughts from MyEmoHeart