Somewhere along the line I lost all of my passion for everything I once had a passion for.
Some could call it a depression… really it was just that I was focusing all of my attention and “passion” on, what else, boys, (and they were really boys… not men).
I would say from about the age of nine to twenty two, I was pretty much focused on being the independent career woman my parent’s always raised me to be. To never rely on a man for anything… you know, still having (safe) trysts, but not really falling into the whole get married/have a baby/give up my career ideation that was created so long ago by the generations before us.
And then, sadly, it did happen to me.
After a very long few years in a relationship full of ups and downs, (including an engagement, an abortion, losing and gaining money, breaking up then getting back together, breaking up then getting back together, breaking up then getting back together… etc., etc.)…
I found myself where any divorcée who went into a marriage either before she had time to pave her way in her career or who gave up everything to be in the marriage.
I soon realized I was ahead of the curve though! But that’s beyond the point here…
I found myself facing the same issue that a lot of women in my age range, (21-30), are facing nowadays.
Primarily that we have to be both a career lady and a wife/mom.
Well, we don’t necessarily have to be… but, in reality, yes we do.
We have to somehow do everything and be everything to everyone.
And a lot of us just cannot fathom how to do this. (Where do you think the mounting amounts of anxiety and divorces are coming from…)?
We find ourselves nearing our quarter life seemingly stuck…
…Without a career and without a relationship, yet placing ever increasing amounts of pressure on ourselves to fulfill both roles.
Because, what kind of modern day woman would we be if we couldn’t do everything?
Whether it was the Disney movies where the prince comes to rescue the princess and they lived happily ever after stories or the fact that society still pressures women to get married and have children before the age of, say about, twenty-seven… I, as so many others I have spoken to throughout the months, feel this push to have a stable relationship (meaning that relationship will lead to marriage),… and also to have him take care of us in certain ways, (like the money, and the career… but not the children or the house).
Yet, at the same time, we women have been raised to also be independent, (at least in some ways).
We can further our education, be the bread winner, travel the world… but then once we commit to someone, we have to hand over all of those luxuries to our future person, (mind you all of my perspectives come from a single, white, middle class, female… so I’d be interested to hear other people’s points of view)!
There’s this constant push/pull within and without… a certain judgment that is still contained within our society and within ourselves. A contradiction of sorts, (which should be the name of my future memoir). It’s kind of like, “Be self sufficient.” “You don’t need a man to take care of you.” “Be an independent lady.”
At the same time…
“What’s wrong with her… she’s almost thirty and hasn’t been in a stable relationship for years. Doesn’t she want to get married? Doesn’t she want children? She’s going to end up alone with a bunch of cats…”
And this is the dilemma of the modern day lady.
So what shall we do?
As many of us have gone along the path of higher education, yet to throw it all away when we seemingly had found “the one”, (living up to those Disney fantasies here), only to break up and find ourselves with no stable career, no job, no relationship, and living back home with our parents and just have absolutely no idea what it is we want to do with ourselves…
Are we paving the way for future generations?
Are we reshaping what it means to be a modern day woman?
That some of us just don’t want to be married or have children?
That some of us don’t want a career instead want to live like a 1950’s housewife, (no judgments here, I promise you)!
That some of us want both?
Or some of us want none of the above?
I feel like there is a rebellion going on… that none of us like to fit into a category.
We have grown up so much believing that we are all important and special, thus making it hard for us to compromise, (which was key element in the demise of my prior relationship).
I believe this “me” focus has made it so we are unable to truly commit for any length of time to anything… yet, at the same time we are rewriting the rules.
We are rewriting the rules on relationships of all kinds.
We are making careers under our own terms.
We are living life more under our own terms and questioning things even more so than usual.
Thus starting a revolution in a way, I feel.
So what does it mean to you to be a person living in our modern day world, (man or lady)?
What pressures do you feel?
Do you feel utterly lost and confused?
Are you stuck?
What do you think?
With love always from MyEmoHeart
**I suggest reading “Committed” by Elizabeth Gilbert for a funny insight into relationships and marriage throughout history!