MyEmoHeart

I used to see my ability to feel everything as a burden.

As a disability, if you will.

Okay, I still do most of the time.

But I am beginning to see why I am the way I am.

You can’t make yourself different than you are.

So, you have to learn to love yourself.

And that’s what yoga has been helping me to learn.

Everyone is a certain way for a reason.

And everyone is beautiful just the way they are.

We may have deep, ugly emotions that continue to disable us from seeing the beauty of reality.

But once we begin to embrace the good with bad, the highs with the lows, the pain with the happiness, a wonderful feeling of oneness and peace begins to come over you.

But just as soon as we realize this, we often fall back into that deep, dark hole of utter despair.

So, we must pick ourselves back up and try, try again.

If you know me, you know that I am a perfectionist.

And, that I am also used to getting my way.

Well, life has really turned everything upside down for me.

But the only constant is yoga.

The only thing that keeps me grounded and sane is making myself practice.

And I learn something new about myself every single time I choose to go within.

Dark emotions seem to plague me more often than not, disabling me from my truth and from seeing clearly.

I have always wanted to work in the entertainment industry, mostly as a performer, and have tried unsuccessfully for many years to get somewhere.

What I didn’t notice is how much stress everything surrounding that notion has given me.

So I decided to focus on Durga, the mother goddess, asking her to help me let go of things no longer serving me, to help me realize my power as a woman, to help me let go of addiction, and to see what is true within my heart.

Essentially I heard that I need to let go of ego. I need to be okay with what is. I need to enjoy and let go. I need to focus on yoga and everything else I want will come… to just be patient.

And this answer has come to me time and time again.

I’ve found it a struggle to be a true yogi because I am young. I still have  a lot to learn. I have an eating disorder that rears it’s nasty head every day in some way, I am addicted to many things and people, I like to drink and I don’t necessarily pay attention to how or what I eat, or say recycle anything. 

But it’s all about finding the balance.

It’s not about beating myself up, yet again for not being perfect.

What is perfect anyways?!

So as I try to balance my need to be creative with my calling as a yogi, I will try to let go and find that balance within and without. 

Even if it takes me my whole life to learn.

Surrendering the past from MyEmoHeart

I think you’re overrated 

And I’m 

Just 

Understated

I dance around trying to 

Let go

And keeping you

As the greatest love

I could ever know

I’m haunted by how much 

I love you

So let me know

How is it that

I get over you?

I’m tired of how fake

Everyone is

But I’m just a child

Of what fakeness is

I’m tired of feeling this way

Who am I today?

What role am I going to play?

It’s easier to just fade away

And I know nothing 

I say 

Ever makes sense

But who really cares

You never gave me a chance

I think I’ve had enough

Of this misery

I’m ready for you

To come back to me

Maybe I need to move on

Maybe I’m just tipsy

But I want you

And I know you want me

And maybe writing

Helps to silence the pain

But I’m done

Playing games

I want to be yours

And I want you as mine

I’ll be your girl

It’d be such a crime

Everything works 

So easily

So I don’t know

What you can’t see

I know you love her

But why not me?

I wish I could back off

I’ve dated a few

But no one else

Can compare to you

You get under my skin

In the worst kind of way

But there is no one else 

Who can make my day

I know it’s only fear

That keeps you from committing

But what is life

Without the living?

I know you feel it

I see you do

When I look in your eyes

They always say

I’m in love with you

I know I’ve made mistakes

You’ve seen them all

You’ve captured my love

Just as you’ve captured my fall

So what else can I do?

What else can I say?

I will venture into the unknown

Just for you, every day

 

And if this heart beats

Of nothing more true

I will live forever

Loving only you

We are dreamers 

We have we seen

A broken love

A broken dream

We sit alone

As we escape

The bitter love

That went to waste

I don’t wanna wake up

Alone again

But I know no man

Can please me like I can

For some reason

I’m still stuck on you

I don’t know what to do

With myself

I’m lost without you

I miss you

I’m in love with you

I wish I didn’t

But I do

My mind conspires against me

When my heart knows the truth

I battle my beauty

But uphold my youth

You didn’t believe

That I’d die for you

I’m sorry my darling

That’s the only thing I knew

Looking into your eyes

Always made a smile

Appear on my face

But I got sloppy

And now I’m in a  bitter race

And all I want 

Is to walk across the sand

Gaze into your bright blue eyes

Hand holding hand

I have felt the deepest, darkest things you could ever feel.

I have wanted to die because what I was feeling was just more than I could handle.

I have wanted to end my physical human being-ness to succumb to the ever after, which it felt would be my escape.

It seemed so freeing, to be released from this human body.

I have hated myself so much that I have beaten myself up through constant exercise, malnutrition, and other physical abuses.

I have been there.

And I still have my dark days.

Where people worry about me.

Where I worry about myself.

Everything seems to be going wrong.

But, the deeper and darker these emotions I feel, the longer more joyous feelings come from it.

From the darkest places come the greatest, most magnificent light.

The longer I choose to stay here, to stay present, to stay human, the more joy comes.

Life isn’t always fair and it isn’t always easy.

But holding on through these really hard times makes you stronger.

There are so many, many good things coming.

So please just stay strong.

Hold on.

I promise you that it is all worth it.

Life is worth holding on to.

I still haven’t gotten past the really dark places, and I don’t think I ever will.

Because with the dark comes the light.

There is always going to be happiness and sadness.

I can’t pretend that pain will cease to exist after reaching a certain point in life.

But I can tell you that the longer you hold on to this precious gift of life you have been given, the more happiness you will see.

Will you take that risk?

Will you you take the risk of holding on and staying strong?

Will you have faith in yourself and in the universe that everything is working out for your highest and best good?

Will you take a leap into the unknown and live your wildest dreams?

Will you let go of fear?

Will you please see the dark an opportunity instead of pure misery?

Will you please take the risk of loving yourself?

I believe in you.

And I love you.

I understand.

And I am always here for you.

I do my best every dray.

And that’s all I need to do.

That’s all you need to do.

Please stay strong.

Stay present.

Stay true.

Hold on.

Stay strong.

I love you.

Sincerely yours from MyEmoHeart

Perhaps projections of the world living side by side with robots has already come true;

When we are avoidant of feelings.

When we live in fear.

When we get up and do the same thing, at the same time, every day.

When we become numb.

When we fail to interact with each other, but instead, form close relationships with electronics.

When we shut off.

When we tune out.

We become robotic.

We are no longer human.

And that’s no way to live.

Wanting to be human, from MyEmoHeart

What is something that is limiting you?

Is it a thought?

An action?

A belief?

A feeling?

What do you do every day that feels like a hassle, or you don’t want to do?

What drains you?

Think about not having to do that thing.

Did you notice a release of tension in a part of your body?

Did you feel lighter or more free?

Was your mind more clear or optimistic?

Did you smile?

Then this is what you need to let go of.

Light, love, and awareness from MyEmoHeart

We are taught to fear.

We are taught to fear beauty.

We are taught to fear ugliness.

We are taught to fear emotions.

We are taught to fear dreams.

We are taught to fear each other.

We are taught to fear ourselves.

When instead…

We can teach love.

We can teach to love beauty.

We can teach to love ugliness.

We can teach to love emotions.

We can teach to love dreams.

We can teach to love each other.

We can teach to love ourselves.

Let’s teach LOVE instead of HATE! 

Peace and love from MyEmoHeart