Are you bold enough to let go of everything you know and take a leap of faith into the unknown? Are you ready to be uncomfortable? Are you ready to believe so much in yourself and your dreams that you achieve so much more than you could’ve ever imagined?
So here I am at a crossroads trying to not eat the whole container of cookies… Again (a little while later, I did).
So frustrated with how everything is and wanting to eat away my feelings. It’s the same old story.
They say, “No, you can’t do what you are passionate about. You are not good enough.”
So, I believe them.
And it eats me alive.
And I eat my feelings away because I have nowhere to place them.
It seems I always try to sabotage myself, but, I am so afraid of taking a risk.
So, inevitably, I am stuck.
And no one can help me but myself.
I feel so disgusted with myself, so I literally make myself sick.
I feel so poorly about the way I look that I make myself feel ugly physically.
Approval seeking is just not pretty! Having self confidence is.
What you read on this blog is something that is happening in real time. It is a girl trying to find her way and be true to herself in a very disapproving world. This is my dairy into which you get to see personally what I struggle with on a daily basis. I just have so much passion and not the right outlets for my passion.
And I believe too much of what other people tell me, and not what I feel in my heart.
I know I am not conventional in the ways I “should” be… But, I wouldn’t want to be.
However, it is awfully scary to step out and be yourself when you always need approval.
It is hard to take a risk when you are so accustomed to living a certain lifestyle and afraid of the unknown.
But, fear is necessary in order to grow in any way.
"Are You Terrified To Step Outside Your Comfort Zone? Here's Why That's AWESOME!"
I was on the phone with a client yesterday and we were talking about making her dreams come true. She told me that she had a dream, a vision and a desire to leave the country and go to a city in Europe, both for herself, for love and for a new job.
She hadn’t found a new job yet, but she is the kind of person that when she puts her mind to something, she makes it happen.
She was describing to me the feelings she was experiencing. She was scared, she didn’t know what was going to happen, she thought even the worst would happen, that she would move and he wouldn’t be into her any more, or that her new job (that she didn’t even have yet) would end or something even worse would happen.
She was facing the unknown and scared of it. And because of this fear, she decided to stop trying to achieve her dream.
Now, I’m not the kind of person that would tell anyone what to do, though I am really good at asking questions that illuminate our limiting beliefs so that we can understand the decisions that are truly running our lives.
Also, remember, one of the core principles of TDL is that the only thing we can control is the MEANING we give the events of our lives. We can’t control the government, or the economy or the Earth orbiting around the Sun; we can’t even control our own body. Your heart beats whether you want it to or not.
So what we must learn is that at best we have influence over our lives, but not control. So that means the ONLY thing I can tell that we have control over is…. The MEANING we give the events and circumstances of our lives. And that meaning (aka thoughts) will determine our emotions, and those emotions will determine how we feel and those feelings will determine our actions.
So, it is wise to pay attention to the meaning we give the circumstances of our lives, far more than it is to pay attention to the circumstances themselves. An empowering meaning can transcend ANY circumstance.
So, in my client’s case, she was giving fear of the unknown a meaning that means she should stop. But, you see, if you think about it, change and growth means stepping out into the unknown, and every human being on the planet has fear of the unknown. So how far can we go if we give this fear the meaning that we should give up?
So I asked her some questions. I said, right before your first kiss, were you scared? She said yes. Right before you moved to the big city you live in, were you scared? She said yes.
You see - there is a common thread. Our Soul, our Heart, our intuition is calling us outside of our comfort zones. And when we get to the edge of our comfort zones, we experience fear. It’s normal.
What I’ve learned to do over time is to realize that when I feel that fear, I know I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone and it means that I am growing. So instead of using that fear as a reason to back down, I use it as a reason to move forward. I know that I am growing; I know that I am learning and loving more. I know that it’s NORMAL to feel this fear and so, instead of using it as a reason to stop, I use it as a reason to keep going.
So, are you afraid to step outside of your comfort zone? Can you give that fear an empowering meaning?
My client did and, while we were on the phone, she took action to make her dream come true. It’s a dream in progress, so I don’t know how it’s going to end. But I know that her dream now has a beginning because she felt the fear and did it anyway!
Let’s face it.
No one is perfect and it’s beyond tiring in every way trying to be.
I have lived my whole life abiding by the rules, hardly ever rebelling.
Yet, who says what others say is right?
Some people are fine with convention, but I never have been.
I’ve just never had the guts to go against the grain.
Being such a people pleaser, I’ve found it very difficult to see my passion as something attainable.
Yet, the greatest leaders, thinkers, etc. are those who could care less about what others think. They just follow their heart.
And they seem to be happier than most.
This is your life, not anyone else’s.
So live it doing what you feel in your heart!
Have the courage to say yes to your dreams.
Have the courage to believe in yourself.
Have the courage to break from convention.
Have the courage to break free!
Anything done passionately is more beautiful than anything done perfectly.
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow—
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand—
How few! Yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! Can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! Can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
Courage. It’s a desirable quality to have and an empowering way to be. Our heroes and inspirational leaders are labeled courageous. We are told throughout our life to “be courageous,” but that isn’t always easy. In fact, courage is often one of the most difficult qualities to truly integrate.
Why is being courageous not as easy to embody as the heroes make it look in the movies? There are two main reasons. First, being courageous means being willing to face fear and embrace uncertainty. YIKES! We don’t like being scared or not knowing what is ahead. Second, most of us do not truly understand what courage really means.
Think of something that you are scared to do. Perhaps it’s a conversation you are nervous to have, a job change you are afraid to make, or a relationship you are terrified to leave. You are feeling fear, hoping that one day you will feel courageous enough to finally do it (whatever your “it” is). You don’t like not knowing what is on the other side of a choice. In fact, it is petrifying. Staying in the known, however undesirable it may be, feels a lot cozier.
But what are you waiting for? Some miraculous moment when all of a sudden you don’t feel scared? A sign from the Uni-verse that gives you more certainty? Sorry to break it to you, but that is not the way courage is developed.
Courage is feeling fear and moving forward anyway. So if you are waiting for fear to disappear before you take an action or make a choice, you are going to be waiting indefinitely. You are allowing fear to paralyze you. You are mentally strategizing the perfect scenario in your head that feels “safe” enough before you take action.
Stop waiting for the perfect conditions to arise. Stop waiting to not feel scared. Feel the fear and do it anyway – THEN, and only then, you will experience true courage.
Courage is NOT the absence of fear; it is acting in spite of fear.
You become more courageous when you choose to confront fear, pain, perceived danger, uncertainty or intimidation. You embody courage when you move forward even in the face of opposition or discouragement.
I remember in my Spiritual Psychology program at The University of Santa Monica, my teacher, Ron Hulnick, once shared a story about Napoleon, the powerful military and political leader during the French Revolution. Somewhere in history an interview is documented with him where he was asked how he fearlessly led his troops into battle. His response (and I’m paraphrasing) was that he was absolutely terrified but did not allow that to stop him. That is courage.
Want to be a hero? How about a leader? Then you must be willing to face the fear and uncertainty in your life. And I’m just not talking about running into burning buildings to save people. Heroes and leaders speak their Truth and take actions that are aligned with Love. People who are courageous are willing to honor the calling of their hearts even when, and especially when, it feels scary.
The root of the work courage is “cor” which is the Latin word for heart. Did you know that courage originally meant to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart? That’s been my experience of courage. When people hear my story, particularly the part about leaving my successful career and then later a “safe” marriage that I knew in my heart wasn’t right for either of us, they often acknowledge my strength. I don’t see myself as strong; but rather as having strength of heart. I was TERRIFIED when I left my job and marriage. I did not know what I was going to do with my life and I had no one’s arms to run into. But I did it anyway. And now I actually understand what this desirable and empowering quality of courage is all about.
Are you ready to truly embody courage?
You don’t have to be fearless to be a leader and a hero in your own life. Face your fear and move forward anyway. Do not stall anymore hoping for the right conditions or clarity. Move forward. Speak up. Take an action. Care less about what other people think. What do YOU think?
What are you waiting for?
You are only denying yourself the experiences your heart is longing for. You are much braver than you give yourself credit for. Whatever the internal or external battle is going on in your life, it’s time to fight for the change you crave. The sign that you are waiting for from the Uni-verse is that longing in your heart. Stop looking for it in the form of a Uni-versal green light. Trust that as you move forward, the Uni-verse has your back.
You will be victorious!!!!
Don’t just listen to your heart … honor it by being courageous.
Christine Hassler is an author, speaker, life coach and spiritual counselor dedicated to helping people answer the questions who am I, what do I want and how do I get it? You can check out her website here: http://www.christinehassler.com/.
"Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people’s approval
and you will be their prisoner.
Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.”
When we come from a place of fear, we worry, we stress out and we make ourselves sick. How many of our fears have actually come true? Maybe some, but certainly not all of them.
Fear has a place as a survival mechanism, but if we wish to go beyond survival to thriving, then we must begin to take major risks by listening to our hearts and stepping out into the unknown.
This comes from living in the moment and realizing that in this moment all my needs are met - and that this will continue to be true for the rest of my days. I may be uncomfortable, I may not have it all at times, but when we make the switch from material possessions not being as important as trusting ourselves and living our lives from our heart, that is when we step into something super special.
Have the courage to be yourself. Never apologize! Always be open and honest with yourself and others. Never hold in your emotions. Don’t look at your struggles as failures, look at them as opportunities to grow and become more of who you truly are. Stand up for yourself and be compassionate to yourself!!! Love, love, love thyself!!!!!!!! Be passionate and have enthusiasm. Try your best always. Don’t be so hard on yourself. These are the lessons I am learning one day at a time.