I know I have shared in the past with The Daily Love readers about my life-long struggle with a mild eating disorder and distorted body image. As I learn more and more about myself and my “not-so-fun” addictive habits and thoughts, what I have come to realize is that I don’t have an eating disorder – I have a mind disorder.
My mind is what creates the obsessive thoughts about food and my body. And in the past, everything my mind told me, I tended to believe. My thighs are too big, my arms are too fat, my butt is too big. No one will love me if I don’t have the perfect body. If I eat anything with fat in it, it will make me fat. If I eat ANY food, I will get fat. And the banter goes on and on. You can imagine how tiring that could be.
When I was in my 20’s, I had an exponential amount of energy, so I would just obsessively exercise thinking that would solve my “fat” problem. The banter in my mind would still be there, but I would numb it out with exercise or drinking alcohol and partying. Now as I move into my mid 40’s, I find that I want to be gentler on myself, that numbing out is not an option and hasn’t been for a long time.
The other day I was on a hike and there was a couple up in front of me hiking together. The girl was rambling away the whole hike up the mountain, while I silently was behind them huffing and puffing, thinking; “Wow, that girl is in shape. I can barely catch my breath.” I immediately went into judging myself. As I approached the top of the hike, they were there taking a rest. The guy was huffing and puffing just like me and she was still jabbering away! We ended up chatting and hiking down the trail together, and in our conversation I came to learn that she was 26 and loved beer and coffee. I chuckled to myself inside, because I remembered those days vividly when I would treat my body not-so-good and still have a ton of energy to workout and do life.
As I have been on a spiritual journey, I am listening to my mind less and less and tuning into the voice of my heart. In my heart, there is no such thing as a disorder, or a fat body or any of these other horrendous things my mind likes to make up to trick me. Nothing my mind tells me is real. It only says the things that it knows from when I was a young kid and absorbed any negative comment that I heard from other people as true. As a teen and young adult, my brother would tease me and say I had a big butt. Mind you, I was a thin rail my whole adult life and was never fat, but just by him saying this, I believed I had the biggest butt in the world and that led me to a bout with bulimia (which wasn’t for me), going on the fat free binge, obsessive exercising and wearing long shirts that covered my butt no matter what. For years, I believed these four words, “you have a big butt.” My mind attached onto them like a leech and never did I even consider that it wasn’t true. I’m sure you can relate to that in some other area of your life.
Now what I do to get past these obsessive and untrue thoughts is to observe my mind, talk to it and tell it to be quiet. I know when those old beliefs are running versus when I am truly in my heart. That mind disorder will always be there, but as I connect more to myself, and the Uni-verse, it gets quieter and quieter. The way I do this is to engage in activities that bring me joy, because when I am feeling joy, I am present and when I am present, there is NO WAY I can be listening to the un-serving commentary that goes on in my disordered mind.
I would be lying if I said I was no longer attached to the way I looked and that I didn’t still have these thoughts of a big butt or fat whatever. It’s a process and I know that the more I love myself, honor my body, do the things I enjoy and spend time with people I love, the disorder and my mind have less power over me.
So I ask you…Where can you bring peace to a constant mind chatter that may leave you feeling broken, sad, fat, whatever? What has someone told you about yourself that you took on as a truth, even though it was farthest from it?
What can you do to experience joy and freedom for yourself?
Find what you love and do it now, because this is one of the only things that will help you be free if you find that your mind likes to run the show!
With love, Melissa
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Melissa is personal chef , wellness coach and nutrition educator. Check out her website here.
One topic that is near and dear to my heart is that of self-harm and mental/emotional/physical health.
Whether this be in the form of an eating disorder, depression, cutting, thoughts of suicide, alcoholism, drug use, etc., etc., I devote my life to bringing awareness to this subject as well as aiding those who are in this boat.
I have been there.
It is something I deal with every day.
I really do understand.
I’m not kidding, I really do understand.
Know that there is always someone that cares.
Even if you feel nobody does.
You are worth it.
You do matter.
You are perfect just the way you are and do not need to change anything!!!!
Believe in yourself.
You can achieve whatever you set your mind to.
Live life fully and forget what other people are saying.
It’s something we are taught to be ashamed of and is highly stigmatized.
Everyone should be able to live extravagantly, enjoying all there is to enjoy in life, without having to worry about spending too much or having too much.
Everyone should be able to have. There should be no have and have not.
There should be no working so hard to make just enough to get by, but not being able to enjoy all there is in life.
Everyone should be able to relax, fly anywhere at anytime, enjoy the best foods, meet all types of fabulous people, so on and so on. There should be no limitations.
Maybe a better word for what I am speaking to is abundance. We all should be able to live abundantly. We all should be able to live freely enjoying all the things life has to offer.
Living abundantly (extravagantly), seeing the beauty in all things, taking joy in all the things life has to offer, does not give anyone the right to separate themselves from others or to behave poorly.
Everyone should be able to be free.
Everyone should be able to live in abundance.
Everyone should be able to enjoy the great wonders of this world.
There is no separation between me, you, or the next person.
Money is just an idea, a false concept of what really is.
“Differences are overrated. If you watch the cable news networks you will see two parties arguing. There is much emphasis placed on the differences between parties, the differences between people. What would happen if we started focusing on the sameness? Do you know that when two people have an argument, they are not seeing the sameness? Everybody wants the same thing, but we all have been raised with different influences. Our perspectives are nuanced and the language we use to talk about things is different based on our nurturing, but the desire in our heart is the same. What you see in the mainstream news is not representative of humanity as a whole. As a whole, we are empathic and living in harmony. What you see on the news is the expression of insanity and lack of awareness in specific individuals. I suggest that we cease to focus on our differences. I suggest that we realize deeply, that when we hurt any other person, even emotionally, we are limiting the goodness that we ourselves are capable of feeling. You may be right, but would you rather be right, or be at peace? The ego is becoming more obvious to everybody. The ego can not feel the aliveness, the connectedness, and the oneness of all people, so it unconsciously puts others down in an effort to feel superior. The ego stands in the way of you knowing and feeling who you really are. The ego will assure you that you are right, and they are wrong. And it is correct, you are right, and they are wrong because you get to decide what the truth is. The problem is this quite simply. This is speaking to a desire to be right. The desire to be right can only exist when you feel separate. If you know that you are the same as every particle of matter and antimatter, there is no need for morality, or right and wrong, there is just bliss. There is just the sensual bliss of being the physical manifestation of euphoria, of being the physical manifestation of heaven, of peace, of love, and of of everything good.”—Jon Staiger
½ bag frozen Asian stir fry mix ½ bag frozen butternut squash ½ bag frozen sugar snap peas 2 cans Cannellini beans Dash of Braggs Liquid Aminos Dash of lemon juice Dash of onion powder Dash of garlic powder Dash of poppy seeds Dash of Adobo Dash of black pepper Dash of parsley
Steam all vegetables except for beans until almost completely cooked through. Add veggies to beans and add all other ingredients until liquid is gone.
Still chugging along on this yeast free diet thing as well as trying to find ways to reduce and/or eliminate my allergies!
I have been making some really great dishes and will share them with you as I can!
To always look at the positive side of things, having allergies (especially to food), as well as being on a restrictive diet aides in you being creative when you cook!!! It also helps in avoiding things that are highly processed, which are always a no, no.
I think we all have “allergies” to pollen and pollution.
When my environmental allergies are over the top, there are certain foods, namely moldy or fermented foods, I know I should probably avoid or not eat too much of (which doesn’t always mean this necessarily happens)!
Some of these foods include: *Cheese (the more aged, the more mold) *Dairy of any kind *Wine or beer *Wheat *Some packaged teas *Some types of beans *Peanuts and peanut butter *Pistachios, Brazil nuts, Cashews *Any overly ripe fruit
It is important to know your own body. You could be allergic to anything and everything, (like I’m allergic to chocolate)! So, if you know that you are having a flare up, it might be wise to avoid foods which are moldy or fermented, fragrances that you have noted that you are sensitive to, etc., etc. Each of us is unique, so what one person is sensitive to may not be true for another.
Some other tips for reducing allergies that have been helpful to me, include: *Taking a shower when you first wake and before going to bed *If you don’t have time to take a shower, but are having allergies, wash your face with cold water and clean out your nose with water *Cleaning out your nose with saline or a Neti pot *Cleaning out your eyes with saline *If you wear contacts, cleaning out your contact case frequently and your contacts *Bi-weekly cleaning your bed linens *Changing into different clothes to sleep in at night *Taking time to breathe deeply throughout the day *Meditating for at least five minutes *Drinking a small cup of coffee at the sign of a flare up *Using Ujjayi (Ocean) breath (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z53KbE3JHJ8&feature=fvst) *Om-ing *Massaging and/or gently tapping areas of congestion or blocked energy
I have also been trying alternative therapies. I did try EFT, (Emotional Freedom Technique), but have not noted any difference yet. It’s not for everyone. It is important to try out things to know what is best for you!
One therapy that has been helping me is Reiki self treatment. Reiki is an alternative form of “massage”. The hands usually don’t touch the body. The hands act as a catalyst to move blocked energy. Here is a video on it:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSgEbnm4e_E
Also, I am highly interested in seeing what Therapeutic Touch, a Chiropractor, and other such therapies that realign parts of the body can do for allergies.
I also highly believe that high levels of stress and the levels of cortisol can contribute to allergies. Can reducing stress help to reduce allergies?
But, I am still learning!!! If you have any things that have proven helpful to you, I’d love to hear them!!!
Gluten free-Vegan Morning Glory Muffins- My Version
Makes 12 large muffins
2 cups cooked brown rice 1 cup oats 1 cup water 2 tablespoons chia (combined with 6 tablespoons boiling water) ½ cup grated carrots ¼ tsp cinnamon ⅛ tsp nutmeg 4-6 tsp unsweetened flaked coconut (or to as much as you’d like)! ½ cup brown sugar (or sugar substitute) t tsp vanilla extract ½ cup walnuts finely chopped
Preheat oven to 350.
Grease muffin pans.
Combine 2 cups brown rice, 1 cup oats, and 1 cup water. Grind for about 2 minutes. Or until well blended (to make a paste).
Combine 2 tablespoons chia seed with 6 tablespoons water in separate bowl. Let stand for 10 minutes or until chia becomes gelatinous.
Add chia, carrots, cinnamon, nutmeg, coconut, vanilla extract, sugar, and walnut, to brown rice and oat mixture. Mix until well blended.
Put combined mixture into muffin pans and bake 20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. When you are born a lotus flower, be a beautiful lotus flower, don’t try to be a magnolia flower. If you crave acceptance and recognition and try to change yourself to fit what other people want you to be, you will suffer all your life. True happiness and true power lie in understanding yourself, accepting yourself, having confidence in yourself.”—Thich Nhat Hanh (via meditativereflections)
"Here's How to Take Your Power Back from Negative Emotions!"
It’s amazing how much turmoil we cause in our lives just because we don’t stop to feel our feelings. It’s like we’ll do almost ANYTHING else but feel our feelings if those feelings are scary.
One reason why just reading books & going to seminars and reading TDL is not enough is because if all we are doing is chasing the next thing, then we are substituting the next thing for feeling our feelings.
I had a client recently discover that all her life she denied her feelings. And she wondered why people were always at a distance. She wondered why she never experienced true intimacy (which requires truth telling). And after a month of working together plus suggesting she go on The Love Cleanse, she started to feel. The Love Cleanse will make you feel, baby!
But what she was feeling was not elation – it was sadness. And after about 30 days of not drinking, she wanted to go back; I suggested that she didn’t, and she passed through the storm of the emotions she was hiding with alcohol. Then a couple weeks later when she wanted to go back to an ex that wasn’t healthy for her, I suggested she not and just wait out the feelings. She did and after the feelings of wanting him back passed, she said to me that she is so happy she didn’t go back because her life would be in so much turmoil right now if she did.
And THAT’s the magic! Just staying with the feelings a little longer, not giving in to them, not allowing ourselves to become victims of emotion. But rather, love ourselves enough to know that, “This too will pass”.
This emotional arc that we pass through, some people call it “The Dark Night of The Soul”, others call it just plain crazy. But what if, on the other side of feeling your feelings, what if you just felt them instead of ate them, drink them or spent them away? We would step into a broader world where so much more was possible.
This is not easy, but on the other side is freedom. We do not have to be held captive by our desires and our patterns. We can rise above them. Will you join my client today in rising above?
Mastin Kipp is the CEO and Founder of The Daily Love. Follow him on Twitter here.
Take what resonates with you in this blog and leave the rest.
Love Uni-versity is back in April! Giving your unique gift and purpose is the new paycheck!
In this 4 week class “How To Discover and Live Your Purpose” learn how to discover your unique place in the world and become empowered to serve others through your purpose and your gift! The class starts April 7th, click here to sign up!
The HSP’s touchy nervous system leads to a touchy temperament. Like the princess sensing the pea below her tower of mattresses, HSPs perceive the slightest sensory or emotional provocation, then respond with a flurry of brain activity that begets an outsize reaction—rumination, tears, histrionics, on one hand, or unbridled enthusiasm on the other. Their personalities may run the gamut from moody to dramatic—all the product of their unique biology.
I try not to eat too much of anything, but rather to eat everything in moderation.
Of course I have cravings for ice cream, candy, etc. and I indulge.
But I’ve been lacking energy and my body is very out of whack.
So, I went to the Naturopath to understand how to heal naturally.
And she put me on a yeast free diet for a few weeks to see if that would aid in my “problems”.
If anyone has ever been put on a yeast free diet, you can agree that you initially freak out.
Yeast is basically in everything we eat. Sugar is included in this.
As a healthy eater, I still put a lot of sugar into my body, I now realized.
Everything has sugar added to it!!!!
Now I’m starting to go through major withdrawals and finding different ways to eat. Which is actually good! I’m getting back to the basics, eating from the earth, and being good to myself and the earth!!!
Some things that I’ve been doing:
Roasting beets, carrots, parsnips, turnips Adding a banana and cinnamon to plain oatmeal Eating pure almond butter instead of peanut butter Cutting out dried fruit and eating more vegetables Eating plain cereal with plain soy milk Using more herbs and spices
I must say, I am feeling more vital. And, I am also taking time to cook and appreciate my food… which is great!! Taking the time to cook food helps me slow down.
One other thing that has been very beneficial to healing is the use of full body breaths.
I never realized how much I hold my breath. I hold sooooo much tension in my body.
But sometimes, you need to just breathe!!!!! These steps are beyond simple, but we are so addicted to sugar!!! I know that we can all take the steps to reduce our sugar consumption by simply eating more whole grains, more vegetables, and enjoying the natural taste of food.
"It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson, was a Transcendental man!
It’s not about the money.
It’s never about the money.
Many great philosophers teach that when we follow our passion the money follows.
So do not be afraid to follow your heart.
Everyone is here to support you.
Everyone loves you.
If someone seems to react in anger, aggression, and the like toward you when you are choosing to follow your heart, know that you intimidate them… they are living in fear.
Just follow your intuition and they will understand.
Do not be afraid to stand in your full power, to be the leader instead of the follower.
You might inspire others to step out and stand in their own power!!!!!!
"If You Can Master This-You Can Master Your Life!"
…If we are so focused on what’s wrong, what the problem is, defending our false belief of unworthiness through righteousness and defensiveness, we are missing 99% of life. If all we see is how OUR needs aren’t being met, how OUR life sucks, how WE aren’t getting the Love we DESERVE, etc, etc, etc - then we are going to find all kinds of evidence to support what we go looking for.
On TOP of that, we miss out on the rest of life, which is - what the heck is everyone ELSE experiencing out there - and how can I be the presence of Love and service in their lives by getting out of my own story? SO MUCH HEALING can happen when we step into service, empathy and compassion. We step away from our problems and make ourselves available to see life from another point of view. And if we really saw life from the point of view of all the people who “hurt” us, we would see that they were so inside their own needs not being met and their own pain, that what they did “to us” was actually what they were doing to themselves, not us. They were just projecting on us. And then we made up a bunch of stories about what “they did” and then that defines our life. It’s like we are all projecting fearful dreams and hallucinations on to each other AND BELIEVING IT!
So, let us instead take a BIG step back and look at how we can be Love. How we can serve. How we can tell a new story about what’s possible in our lives - and get out of the way of the old story that likes to justify our pain, resentment and guilt. And begin to create a new story - one FULL of gratitude and reverence for life, one FULL of awe for the beauty of even the simple ability to take a breath in this moment. One full of possibility that even though we’ve been living life through a story that has bound us and held us back, we have the power, in any moment to change our mind, change our story, change our actions and change our life. This is our power.
What if you were born to overcome and prove the fearful thoughts of the world wrong? Would you still want to believe them?
“It is not love that is to blame. But each of us has resistance to the very love we desire. We also have resistance to the space and independence we need. So we go back and forth, not letting ourselves have one or the other. It all boils down to this: Are you willing to have your relationships be a pathway to fully revealing yourself and your potential? If you answer is Yes, real intimacy can be yours on a daily basis.”—- Gay Hendricks, is a psychologist and writer.
Are you concerned about what other people think of you? Do you often make decisions based on what you think will please others? Does your sense of self-worth come from the approval of others? Do you often withhold from sharing what you truly want, think or feel because of fear it may upset someone? Are you often last on your list of priorities? Are you constantly seeking approval and validation from outside sources?
Believe me, you are not alone. Our egos love to be liked, approved and validated. It is natural to want to fit in and not “upset others” because it feels safer. All it takes is one small experience of feeling criticized, not liked, thinking we’ve upset someone, or getting tons of praise and validation for making others happy to develop people pleasing as a bad habit.
People pleasing is a terrible investment because it depletes your most valuable resources: your time and energy. Just think about how much energy you waste by obsessing about what other people think of you. Add up all time you lose by engaging and taking actions that are 100% motivated to please someone else and you’ll see how people pleasing may have become a part-time (or even full-time) job!
Clarification: I am all for being a considerate person, choosing loving actions and being of service. It feels wonderful to love others! But being and acting from love is NOT people pleasing. People pleasing is different because there is an attachment to someone else’s reaction and/or a motivation to please in order to avoid an undesired negative response or judgment or get a positive one. Trying to please others is not only a bad investment, it also moves you further and further away from the truth of who you are because you are contorting yourself in order to appease others.
You may think being a people pleaser makes you a “good” person and is perhaps even a generous or loving way to be. But I strongly disagree. From my point of view it’s selfish to be a people pleaser. Why? Because being attached to pleasing others is really about you. You are the one who wants to be liked. You are the one who does not want to upset anyone. You are the one who wants to look good for others. You are the one who is not okay with other people’s reactions. You are the one protecting yourself from confrontation. And you are the one who is choosing to withhold expressing who you TRULY are. And by doing all of those things, you are keeping Yourself, your Light and your Love from the world – and that is selfish.
Remember this: what other people think of you is none of your business. Obsessing about how to please others or be liked is a misuse of your energy.
Just imagine for a moment what you could create in your life if you even took HALF of the time and energy you invest in people pleasing back? Think of the time you’d have to brainstorm about your career, getting your finances in order or nurturing your relationships. Consider the energy you’d have to spend on your creative endeavors and overall well-being. And realize the amount of focus you could direct back toward your relationship with yourself and with the Uni-verse. See yourself now reclaiming all that time and energy you expend on being over-responsible for others or working to impress others and refocus it on being of service without attachment, sharing your gifts, taking care of you and expressing your true Self!!!
Trust me, when you do that you will have an overflow from which to give from and you will be able to give without attachment or expectation. That is why on airplanes they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself BEFORE you go to help someone else.
People pleasing is selfish – be self-honoring instead.
No one else determines your worth.
No one else can dictate what you deserve.
Other people’s reactions, responses and feelings are not your responsibility.
Someone else’s opinion of you is not the Truth.
Your value does not come from how others perceive you.
What other people think of you is none of your business. YOUR business is between you and your Self and you and the Uni-verse.
Have the courage to stop fearing what other people think of you, your choices, and their reactions. That fear is stopping you from being you and the greatest gift we truly give others is when we share authentically from our heart. And the interesting thing is that the more you like yourself, the more pleasing you will be to other people.
With love, Christine
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Christine Hassler is an author, speaker, life coach and spiritual counselor dedicated to helping people answer the questions who am I, what do I want and how do I get it? You can check out her website here: http://www.christinehassler.com/